Dreams
by Maureen Lilith Hart
Summary: Nessa's thoughts prior to leaving for university. Only my 2nd one-shot attempt. Wondering if I should try more or not.


Dreams

Nessarose sat in her room, waiting as patiently as she could for someone to come take her downstairs so she and Elphaba could be on their way to university. Of course Father would be coming along, as well as one poor overworked servant. Nessa didn't care anything about the two of them for the time being. Her mind was focused on arriving at their destination. She couldn't wait to see what would happen!

Naturally Father thought Nessa's excitement was only for herself, but that was far from the truth. While she did look forward to meeting new people and all of the things she might learn, Nessa was mostly excited for her sister.

Nessa paused to look around her room. On her bed were piled the many odds and ends she would be bringing along. Her large trunks had already been taken downstairs to be placed on top of the carriage. So many things... She had always been given so many things without asking. And then, Nessa's eyes fell on Elphaba's single, small suitcase. A pang of guilt hit Nessa every time she looked at it, because Elphaba was taking the lone suitcase not because she was being economical.... Everything she had fit inside it.

This trip held the promise of so much change. The two of them had always been so sheltered here at home. Nessa knew Elphaba was looking forward to the classes even though her main reason for going was to be Nessa's caregiver, as she had been since their mother died. Nessa also hoped Elphaba might find friends, at last. She had deliberately been kept from company to the house except when it was absolutely unavoidable. It was plain Father was embarrassed by and even afraid of Elphaba. He tried his best to foster these feelings in Nessa as well.

On occasion Nessa did share his feelings, but for the most part Nessa felt sorry for Elphaba because of the forced isolation she had to endure. And endure she did, almost always without complaint. In her sister's eyes, though, Nessa could often see her pian and loneliness, and wished she could make it better. Maybe now, at last away from home, Nessa could act on her desire to make her sister feel wanted by someone.

What Elphaba felt she was now was needed. Nessa had figured that out long ago. Needed, required, yes. But not wanted. That she had never been. Except perhaps by their mother. Nessa had wondered about this for years but had never dared ask. In fact, their deceased mother was never a topic of conversation between the sisters. Not because it was forbidden, or because of lack of curiosity on Nessa's part about what her mother was like. Elphaba herself would mention her on occasion, and there was such depth of pain in her eyes that Nessa dared ask no questions.

Nessa hoped that now, at last, the world would open up for her sister. That she would find friends and learn all the things she wanted to. Elphaba thirsted for knowledge the way most people desired food and water. Elphaba had so rarely smiled, or laughed. It seemed she was always apologizing for something. There had been so many days Nessa had wished to tell Elphaba to please stop, that she didn't have to apologize for BEING. But under the watchful eye of their father there was so little opportunity for such things.

Nessa heard her sister's footfalls as she mounted the staircase and couldn't help sighing. Elphaba commented on her sister's sad expression as soon as she walked in.

"Why the long face?" Elphaba asked in genuine concern. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Well, not exactly... I'll be fine, really." It was unlike Nessarose to be so unsure of what to say, but she didn't feel like sharing her thoughts or feelings now. In fact, she and Elphaba never had 'heart-to-heart' talks. Elphaba shrugged and accepted her sister's answer, though her eyes still asked a nearly reconsidered and explained her feelings. In the end though, she chose to remain silent. It was in that moment that Nessa realized the thing she longed for most was a close relationship with the sister she spent nearly every waking moment with... Yet barely knew.


End file.
